Blog

Sleep is one of the first places foster and kinship families feel the hardness of transition.

A child may be safe in your home, but their body and brain may not feel safe yet. Bedtime can bring fear, hypervigilance, grief, and big emotions that surface especially at night. For many caregivers, this leads to exhaustion and self-doubt when the child in their care isn’t getting the sleep they need.

Sleep struggles are not a failure! They’re often a very natural response to trauma, loss, and disrupted attachment. We’re partnering with Allison Ezell, a Certified Pediatric Sleep Consultant with Dwell Pediatric Sleep, to connect families in our community to trauma-informed support from someone who understands both child development and the foster care context.

Allison is also a foster and adoptive parent herself, which means she has a deeply personal understanding of the challenges caregivers face. Below, we spoke with Allison about why sleep can be so hard for children in care and how families can approach bedtime differently.

1) What should caregivers know about why sleep can be so challenging for children in foster or kinship care? What’s actually going on in a child’s body and brain during those moments?

In some cases, navigating sleep can be the most challenging piece of caring for children in care. Sleep is a highly vulnerable separation. It takes trust, confidence, and felt safety to lay down calmly at night and sleep peacefully all night long. Many children will take months or even years before their brains and bodies feel safe and regulated enough to sleep as they should.

We also have to consider that some children come into our care after terrible things happened to them in conditions that look a lot like bedtime—when they were alone, at night, or in the dark. So of course it’s hard for them. They’re being forced to work through some of their biggest triggers night after night.

Finally, nighttime is often the only period during the day when children are still and quiet enough to process their trauma or grieve what they’ve lost. It’s a perfect storm for some very challenging behaviors.

2) What are some of the most common sleep struggles you see among foster and kinship families, and how can a trauma-informed approach help caregivers?

One of the most common struggles I see is when a child enters care and is forced to shift away from former sleep habits—such as co-sleeping or room-sharing—due to licensing standards. I also see many families dealing with children who need a lot of support to fall asleep and then wake frequently because of those sleep associations. Parasomnias, like night terrors or frequent bad dreams, are also very common.

A trauma-informed lens is essential when navigating these types of struggles because most traditional parenting methods, such as cry it out sleep training, are simply inappropriate here. There are absolutely ways to encourage independent sleep in a way that does not jeopardize trust or attachment, but it takes some extra education and strategy to find the right method for each child’s unique temperament and history. 

Often, we have to gently peel back unsustainable sleep associations one layer at a time while intentionally building a child’s confidence and sense of safety throughout the process.

3) What resources do you offer families, and when might it be helpful to reach out for more personalized sleep support?

I offer one-on-one consultations, digital guides and resources, and extended support packages for families who need a guide here. 

Most families I see are frustrated and tired of guessing at what’s wrong. They’re ready for a plan, they’re ready for a guide, and most of all, they’re ready for some hope that it won’t be so hard forever! I work with foster and kinship families at any point in their journey. We can lay some healthy foundations and work on building felt safety in the early days, get creative with routines and schedules after a few weeks, and work on fixing what’s no longer sustainable once the child feels somewhat stable and settled in your home. 

The right time to reach out is whenever you (and your partner, if applicable) are both ready and have the time to commit to it! 

If you’re a licensed foster or kinship caregiver seeking sleep support for a child in your care, contact us via this form to learn about the resources we offer in partnership with Allison. You can also find more from Allison on Instagram and Facebook.