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Behind every strong foster family is a stronger community. 

Nicole Vavra leads the monthly Moms Support Group for foster, foster/adoptive and kinship moms in Topeka. She and her husband have fostered for nearly a decade and know it’s not something one family can do alone.

Read on for our discussion with Nicole about why community matters in foster care. 

Nicole, what's your story? Why did you decide to become a foster parent?

When I was young, I was drawn to the idea of adoption. In college, while I was earning my degree in family and human services at Washburn University, I interned with Adopt Kansas Kids. That’s where I grew in my appreciation and understanding of the world of foster care.

One thing that stood out to me was how little people know about the foster system. Many think foster care is only about adoption, but they miss the part about helping families stay together. That seemed like an essential piece to me.

Many think foster care is only about adoption, but they miss the part about helping families stay together.

Soon after, I started dating my now-husband, who grew up in a family that fostered. Four of his siblings were adopted, which gave me a whole new view of adoption. 

Early in our marriage, we decided that adoption would be a way of growing our family. In 2016, we adopted a teen through foster care. Later, we had a biological son, who’s now six. 

We’ve continued to foster over the past 10 years. We’ve had 14 long-term placements, mostly teenage boys. That’s been our focus. 

Recently, we fostered two sisters, ages five and two. It was very different from teens – we had to go back to diapers! Our community came together for us, it was amazing. Our friends, coworkers and family all pitched in with clothing and supplies. 

We also had to prepare our son for this placement, who was five at the time. He’d never experienced having other little kids in the house. He hadn’t had to share his space or our attention before. That was a big adjustment for him.

What kind of support do you think every foster family needs to keep going? 

Fostering those little girls was a big financial commitment. We had to make sure they had everything they needed. We’re so grateful to the people in our lives who gave us essentials like a crib, high chair and car seat. That took a burden off us financially. 

Meals made a huge difference, too. A friend set up a meal train for us, and it helped so much. I work full-time and that after-school stretch (I call the witching hour) can be the hardest part of the day. Having dinner ready allows me to come home and be present with my kids without the added chaos of preparing a meal.

And of course, Foster Village showed up for us. They gave us gift cards for meals, which helped a lot. Not only that, but when it was time for the girls to go home, Foster Village provided their family with items they needed to reintegrate. They were overflowing with support for their family. That was the first time I saw how much their support extends not only to foster families, but toward helping biological families reunite and thrive, too.

That was the first time I saw how much their support extends not only to foster families, but toward helping biological families reunite and thrive, too.

Tell us about your experience with Moms Support Group.

I attended my first Moms Support Group in Lawrence in 2022. After feeling so isolated while fostering during the pandemic, I was thirsty for support and community. I instantly felt so fulfilled being around other women who “got it.” There was so much empathy and understanding among the group. 

I instantly felt so fulfilled being around other women who “got it.”

Soon after, we saw a need in Topeka and started a group there. I now lead the Topeka group but still attend the Lawrence group, too. It’s nice to be both an attendee and a leader. 

Our goal is to be an empathetic support community to foster moms. Our meetings also count toward foster care licensing credit through curriculum offered by Foster the Family US. I’m glad to support moms in this way.

Foster Village helps us by providing childcare during the meetings. They recruit, train and background-check the volunteers, and they even bring snacks and giveaways for the moms. We host special events for Mother’s Day and the holidays. It’s a fun time to celebrate and help moms feel appreciated. 

What are some simple ways friends, neighbors or churches can support foster families?

When a new placement comes, it can be an overwhelming time. Sometimes we can’t commit to anything. It’s too much to handle one more thing. At that point, fostering can become really isolating. 

But our community kept showing up for us. Even when we said no, they kept asking. That meant the world to us. Keep asking.

We’re also grateful for people who check in on us regularly. Since we don’t post about our foster kids on social media, it can be “out of sight out of mind.” It means a lot when people ask how they’re doing.

It also means a lot when friends and family take the time to really connect with our foster kids. These kids come from hard places. It takes patience to meet them where they are. Seeing people treat them with kindness and respect builts our trust in our people, and helps us feel like we’re not doing this alone.

Seeing people treat them with kindness and respect builts our trust in our people, and helps us feel like we’re not doing this alone.

If you could tell your community one thing about how to show up for foster families, what would it be?

You don’t have to foster to make a difference. There are so many ways to show up for foster families. 

If you have a skill or a talent, use it to support a family or an organization like Foster Village. I know of a former art teacher who does art classes for foster kids. That’s huge.

Instead of saying, “I could never do that,” ask yourself, “How can I help the ones who are?” 

➡️ This National Foster Care Month, find ways to help out foster families in your community through Foster Village. Get involved.